Introversion is Backwards in 2022

 Wow, okay. As a skilled introvert (lol), and this might only make sense after reading this post, it seems that a simple feeling or intuition felt in the shower needs to be unpacked into several pages worth of writing. TLDR at the bottom.

I thought about this a lot having just gotten out of a 5 year relationship with the most extroverted girl I know (who, for whatever reason, was convinced she was an introvert even though she couldn't be alone in a room for more than 30 minutes alone without having to call me, or a friend, or a family member).

She goes to parties and can easily pull an all nighter just constantly talking to anyone and everything. Me on the other hand, I'm having to guzzle drinks or worse just to keep up with the conversation.

But I got thinking on to why that is. Why am I guzzling drinks or doing lines? What exactly is the function of this behavior?

Well, to reduce inhibitions. Inhibitions for what? Self-expression.

Okay, we all know that.

But what's not discussed often is the amount of energy it takes to repress self-expression. Self-expression is our natural state as kids. Sure, not all of us are as talkative as others; sometimes that self-expression manifests itself as doing things like reading or building something or playing music. And to those folks who can comfortably go to a social gathering and read, or build something, or play music the whole time without giving a damn what anyone thinks, and go home without feeling exhausted, I would say that you're not that introverted (at least in the way that the term is used today).

Carl Jung, who coined the term introvert, is often quoted out of context to have said that introverts are skilled at sensing the unfathomable stupidity of extroverts. He did say this, but he was recognizing this as an inherent character folly and a result of the introvert personality itself: the introvert tends not to see the condition as an issue that stems from never learning to communicate & express oneself properly. Instead, they project it outwards in a sort of "nobody understands me" type deal.

I'm not saying every introvert does that. But if I'm being honest with myself it sounds like I probably have. The reason I referred to the reader, the builder, the musician earlier is because they go to gatherings and spend the whole time expressing themselves naturally. The type of introvert that I am, who tends to sit anxiously on a couch and wait for the gathering to be over so I can go melt into the floor and forget I'm alive for a while, is not expressing themselves.

The lack of expression both creates the sensation of anxiety, because you have the energy in motion of emotion swirling about within you that gets capped off before it manages to escape. Meanwhile extroverts are talking about total "unfathomably stupid" stuff that's a waste of time but really all they're doing is letting out whatever they happen to feel at the moment. And be honest, most of what we feel in the average day isn't that exciting.

For example I'm sitting here writing this because it's what I'm feeling. If my ex was feeling this she'd talk about it. Great, we're both expressing ourselves. But if I then proceed to sit down in a chair and feel a little bit restless, maybe like watching a TV show but I don't really want to waste my time but I'm also not really motivated or energetic enough to create something or play music, so maybe I'll just sit here restlessly and move my legs around in a funny pattern....

The difference is that an extrovert says all that out loud, whereas an introvert doesn't, and capping off the feelings takes a tremendous amount of energy to keep it all stuffed in because like I said, our natural state is fluent and complete self-expression. Extroverts (lucky ones) never had to deal with the type of experience that convinces them they need to hide their true selves from the world (the less lucky ones have the type of experiences that make them feel like they need to force some sense of self on the world around them to assert their individuality).

Plus it can lead to opportunities. I just went through the previous scenario from the perspective of my ex. Whereas I'm sitting restlessly in this chair moving my legs and that's the grand conclusion of my whole experience and suddenly I'm feeling anxious and more restless and want to go to bed but I can't sleep because I'm not really tired I just don't want to be feeling this thing anymore but I don't even know what the thing I'm feeling is because I never fucking talk about it I just think about it instead because I'm such an introvert and all this energy and feeling never finds an outlet!

Whereas my partner would have just kept rambling, "...move my legs around in this funny pattern, and hey that kind of reminds me of this yoga pose, maybe I'll do that, that'll at least make me less restless," and then suddenly she'd be doing yoga and a whole new chain of events opens up that my introverted ass would have totally shut out just because I don't trust myself enough to just let whatever rises up inside me flow out naturally. Hell, most of the time I—and most similar introverts, I'd imagine—am not even aware that I'm feeling anything, just that I am "uncomfortable" or "anxious" or "restless" and "want to leave" and "be alone," wherein my self-expression can reign on without concern for judgment from others or what-have-you.

But beneath that there is always a plethora of feelings and desires and thoughts, no matter how banal and "unfathomably stupid" they might be, that if they were to just explosively find expression in the world around us would defy all logic - because by doing things, by expressing ourselves, we would actually feel lighter, and more energetic. But it never feels like that. I get home from a party and feel like I'm zoinked from having to try and be myself all night but the reality is that I'm zoinked because I was forcing myself into a little box all night and/or wouldn't let my true self out until I'd "reduced my inhibitions" via drink or drug.

TLDR; our understanding of introversion is backwards and contrary even to the definition of the psychoanalyst who coined the term. We don't exhaust ourselves in the presence of others because of the sheer stress or pressure of trying to be ourselves. We exhaust ourselves because of the immense energy it takes to prevent the shameless self-expression that once was our natural state.